Miss Vinegar's Eat This, Y'All!

Product Review: World Market Chipotle Chili Chocolate Bar

2009-01-08T13:27:00.003-05:00

This product, a store brand of the furniture/wine/housewares chain World Market, unites two of Miss Vinegar's favorite things. By now her love of chocolate has likely been made apparent in these pages, but the smoky chipotle pepper isn't far behind: suffice to say that if they made a chipotle perfume, Miss Vinegar would wear it.

The chocolate bar doesn't disappoint, either: it's a nice dark chocolate with a good, consistent undertone of spicy heat, the smoky chipotle showing up as an aftertaste. In Miss Vinegar's opinion, it edges out its most well-known competition, the Dagoba Xocolatl bar. That should teach everyone not to disdain store brands.

Overall Product Rating: **** (four out of five stars, mainly due to the smokiness being a mere aftertaste)

We're Back...So Far

2008-10-23T09:23:00.001-04:00

After a brief adventure on WordPress (which is very nice also), Miss Vinegar has decided to give in to her need for shiny new blog templates and return to her old haunts. She might even review a restaurant once in a while.

OddSpelling OddSpelling

2008-09-02T09:28:00.001-04:00

Since Miss Vinegar does a lot of proofreading in her other life, she was appalled the first time she saw that Cheeburger Cheeburger was coming soon to a venue near her. Indeed, it was several days before she could believe it was really spelled that way. This may help explain why she and PoBoy put off lunch there for a long time.

Holidays, however, should be for getting things done, and in the spirit of trying something new, Miss Vinegar girded her loins with her check card and headed out.

Cheeburger Cheeburger

in Tanglewood Mall, Roanoke, VA

The Food: Cheeburger Cheeburger (...sigh) is one of those places you suspect of wanting to put onions on the ice cream; even their basic chicken sandwich comes with sauteed onions. They do, however, have a nice build-your-own-burger selection, with burgers ranging in sizes from 5.5 ounces to 20 ounces. Miss Vinegar built a bacon-Swiss burger with honey mustard, and PoBoy went Italian with marinara, provolone and garlic. Both were quite good. A word of warning, however: the restaurant does not provide fries with the burgers, and the medium fries basket we ordered was really quite large. They also have a comprehensive soda fountain, offering handmixed sodas as well as shakes and malts.

The Service: Quite good. Our server helped us navigate the menu easily.

The Ambience: Retro fake diner it all its glory: cardboard cutouts of Elvis, lots of pastels and chrome.

Overall: *** (three stars)

In Which Miss Vinegar Takes Leave of Every Sense, With the Possible Exception of Taste

2008-08-11T09:30:00.001-04:00

This one was a solo mission on the way to get gifts for Ma Vinegar's birthday: and PoBoy fearing he would have been out of commission had he eaten at*:

Chili's
Stratford Commons near Hanes Mall, Winston-Salem, NC

The Food: Three dishes caught Miss Vinegar's eye at first: the Monterey Chicken, the Margarita Grilled Chicken, and the Boneless Buffalo Chicken salad. However, in her zeal to eat something she wouldn't eat on a normal night out at home, Miss Vinegar, Despiser of Onions, ordered...the Buffalo Chicken Fajita.

She'd always wanted, you see, to try a fajita, and seduced by the sizzle and the knowledge that the onions and peppers would definitely be big enough to avoid, she went for it. And it was good: mildly spicy buffalo chicken, bleu cheese crumbles and bacon. There was also a lot of it, which is why Miss Vinegar cannot confirm whether the brownie mini-dessert actually has a small brownie sitting on top.

The Service: Excellent. Miss Vinegar always overtips when eating alone, feeling obscurely that she has to compensate the server for the fact that there is only one of her, but in this case it was deserved.

The Ambience: Mostly red, which in Miss Vinegar's book is a good thing. The restaurant's windows are oriented to make the most of the view of surrounding trees rather than the shopping center behind it, which is also a good thing. Her only objection was to the restaurant art beside her. It's hard not to wonder about a composition depicting winged buffaloes that also depicts armadillos...

Overall: *** (three stars out of five--Miss Vinegar would personally add another half-point for a painless introduction to fajitas)

*Miss Vinegar hastens to say this does not denote a food quality issue; for whatever reason, Poboy and Chili's simply do not get along at the biochemical level.

Product Review: Fresh Market Kettle Chips

2008-08-01T09:32:00.001-04:00

Mmmmm....ish.

They seem to be a primarily East Coast/Mid-Atlantic phenomenon, but if you haven't heard of The Fresh Market, Miss Vinegar suggests a peek at the website or the one near you. Like Miss Vinegar's beloved Trader Joe's in that it's a sort of boutique grocery for people who secretly dream of having a baguette sticking out of their shopping bag, The Fresh Market aims for elegance where TJ's aims for...fantastic store brand items and pirates. And as the nearest Trader Joe's is almost 200 miles farther away, Miss Vinegar regards the Fresh Market as her local.

This week, Miss Vinegar's eye was caught by a sale display of the store's own brand of kettle chips, and she tried both the Sour Cream & Onion and the Smokey Bar-B-Que flavors (the latter pictured above). And as much as she wanted to enjoy them, there's a slightly strange, almost citrusy taste underlying both. A look at the back of the bag convinces her that, once again, Healthy Ingredient Syndrome may be at play: that, as with the first brushful of a Tom's of Maine toothpaste, it may require time to adjust to flavors that all have pronounceable names. Still, there is only so much time Miss Vinegar is willing to spend accustoming her palate to potato chips. A valiant effort on The Fresh Market's part, but not quite perfect.

Overall Product Rating: *** (three out of five stars, one given due to the aforementioned syndrome)

Chain Mourning

2008-07-29T09:35:00.000-04:00

Miss Vinegar just saw this news story about the company that owns Bennigan's and Steak & Ale filing for bankruptcy. While she hasn't been to either of these in years (geography having intervened--and no, they weren't the subject of any Winston-Salem visits; this is not a Grim Eater visitation), Miss Vinegar remembers them fondly: Bennigan's as the first place she ever tasted etouffée, and Steak & Ale as the home of her favorite steak, the Nine Pepper Filet.*

*Warning: the website appears to load very slowly. Perhaps they've already had to sell a couple of servers?**

**The computer equipment, not the food-bringing humans.

Eat This, Ph.D.

2007-11-12T17:45:00.000-05:00

Today Miss Vinegar found a nifty little device that's supposed to judge the reading level required for a given website:

Who knew barbecue was so complicated?

That's My Q

2007-11-07T08:45:00.001-05:00

Miss Vinegar's views on barbecue have been expressed here often enough, but a rundown of my creed may be helpful:

1)Thou shalt have no barbecue before Eastern North Carolina barbecue.

2)Memphis is okay too.

3)Barbecue places should ideally be simple, evoking the kitchen of a grandmother you may or may not have had in real life.

4)You don't have to like Brunswick stew or cole slaw, but in a barbecue place they should at least be options.

This creed made Miss Vinegar and PoBoy's spontaneous trip to downtown Roanoke's Blues BBQ Company a little hit or miss.

The Blues BBQ Co.
on the market, downtown Roanoke

The Food--This nearly faltered right at the first, when Miss Vinegar was initially served non-sweet tea by mistake. However, this restaurant did allow her to try something she'd been wanting to try for months: the carbalicious (and delicious) fried mac & cheese appetizer. Despite the presence of an East Carolina sauce on the table, however, Miss Vinegar ordered a beef brisket sandwich.

Shock! Horror! But...WHY?

While Blues BBQ's food is certainly good, they violate Article 3 of the creed all over the place. No sooner had Miss Vinegar spotted collards on the menu (good sign that this would be a place to take Daddy Vinegar) than she saw that the pulled pork sandwich was nine dollars (good place to take Daddy Vinegar if she wanted to be laughed at, since they can both eat at Stamey's in Greensboro for about that).

The Service--Our server was friendly, but intermittently attentive.

The Ambience-- Again, the restaurant violates Article 3; the pub-like polished wood is a bit on the fancy side for a barbecue place, though very pretty. Windows let you people-watch the downtown market traffic, and there's a small stage for live music.

Overall: **1/2 (two point five stars out of five)

Updatelicious!

2007-10-23T10:57:00.000-04:00

In the style of my favorite bit of snack-food marketing ("Cheese on Cheese Crackers--Now Cheesier!"), Miss Vinegar presents the new and improved Miss Vinegar's Eat This, Y'all!

We've got a new look (everything goes better with sweet tea!)and a new feature which allows you to search by tags, as well as more links and updates to various entries.
Look for new content soon!

le Scythe...

2007-10-10T08:13:00.001-04:00

Miss Vinegar has been hesitating over this review. ("Duh!" you say.) In light of Copeland's of New Orleans's withdrawal from the Winston-Salem area, does she dare say another word about a decent restaurant? Think of the local economy, for Pete's sake!

With cautious optimism, then, Miss Vinegar reviews:

Village Tavern
corner of Stratford Road and Hanes Mall Blvd., Winston-Salem

The Food-- The Village Tavern takes its food seriously, even where lunch is concerned. They offer a wonderful selection of appetizers (Miss Vinegar recommends the hot crab dip, though she's also a sucker for all things ahi tuna) and twists on traditional American food, from burgers to wood-oven pizzas to steak. Miss Vinegar had delicious marinated flank steak with soy-based sauce, and marveled at the size of the lunch portions.

The Service-- Miss Vinegar was one of a party of three with PoBoy and Ma Vinegar, and the service was very helpful, explaining the history of the restaurant and helping to navigate the menu when indecision reared its starving head.

The Ambience--Miss Vinegar had long been intrigued by the comfortable yet elegant facade of the Village Tavern: inside, one finds upscale pub decor with polished wood and brass. There's also an outdoor patio with large tables, where Ma Vinegar could throw crumbs to waiting birds and enjoy the Indian summer breeze.

Overall: ***1/2 (three point five stars out of five)

(Miss Vinegar apologizes in advance if the Village Tavern should vanish in the next two weeks.)

Virginia Vinegar and the Temple of Food

2007-07-26T09:34:00.000-04:00

Miss Vinegar can't possibly apologize enough for her hiatus from all things gastronomical: rest assured that the review backlog will be filled in grudgingly as she tries to remember what she had at Abuelo's all that time ago. Today, however, Miss Vinegar will shake the cobwebs from her little notebook to discuss a bona fide Southwest Virginia event*: the long (very long, about five years long by her reckoning)-awaited opening of a Ukrop's supermarket in Roanoke.

The History-- Ukrop's is a chain of grocery stores based in Richmond. To many in the mountains, this seems to be the ideal of what a grocery store should be: heaven knows when your entire grocery selection consists of Wal-Mart, Food Lion and Kroger with gusts of The Fresh Market, a craving for variety is natural.

To the few people Miss Vinegar knows in Richmond, however, Ukrop's is both overpriced and overrated.

Roanoke Store--The Good

The Ivy Market Ukrop's sets out to redefine Roanoke's idea of a supermarket in its design, which features an underground parking garage with little escalators for shopping carts. Somewhere deep down, we all believe this to be the way of movie stars and/or George Jetson, and we are impressed.

Inside, the store is enormous, with its own Starbucks, a second-floor dining area with balcony, and a voluminous selection of prepared food to complement the traditional offerings of your basic higher-end grocery. The website will tell you the store is "at Ivy Market," but at the moment it is Ivy Market, and it's hard to see where anything else will fit.

Roanoke Store--The Bad

The chain offers a discount card, but some prices were so absurd that Miss Vinegar laughed out loud--not a thing you want to do while alone in public. Surely a prosperous chain should have better pricing leverage than the local food co-op on the same offerings?

Additionally, the store's very opulence works against it: Miss Vinegar has now been three times and still has only the faintest grasp on how to find anything. The café is intriguing, but many of the gourmet offerings merely echo those of a decent Kroger or the Fresh Market, each of which is a mere mile from Ivy Market. On the structural front, the cart-escalators seem to jam frequently, and Miss Vinegar is afraid of escalators to begin with, which made her first visit something of a trial.

The Verdict:
As a weapon in the arsenal of finding exactly what you want and/or getting someone else to cook it: **** (four out of five stars)
As the end product of supermarket evolution it seems to think it is: **1/2 (two point five out of five stars)

*Yes, yes. She knows.

Slainte!

2007-04-20T13:45:00.000-04:00

Miss Vinegar hadn't realized that a certain amount of creeping cynicism had set in with her quest for restaurants. Too much chain food, perhaps? Too much settling for takeout? Too much purple stuff?

Whatever the reason, she resolutely did not get her hopes up for the newest Irish pub to hit the Roanoke area. And she was wrong. Very wrong.

Annie Moore's
Rte. 419 near North Cross School, Roanoke

The Food-- Nothing short of perfection, and Miss Vinegar does not say that lightly, particularly of a menu as onion-intensive as the one at Annie Moore's. From the potato cakes appetizer with bacon, cheese and sour cream to the bread pudding with whiskey sauce (and drizzled with raspberry sauce!), Miss Vinegar had the pleasure of experiencing a nearly perfect meal. Bangers and mash (here known as Bangers & More), shepherd's pie and the like appear on the entrées, and a large selection of sandwiches and salads should make everyone happy regardless of their tolerance for corned beef and cabbage.

The Service-- Fantastic! Miss Vinegar received prompt attention to all special requests from her own server and heard other staff members helpfully explaining the nature of Guinness stout to other patrons.

The Ambience-- If Miss Vinegar had pictured the perfect pub-restaurant to herself, it would have included dark old furniture, a large wooden bar, parchment-colored walls and stained-glass windows. The owners of Annie Moore's clearly pictured it that way, too.

Special Touches-- An extensive list of Irish-themed drinks, ranging in dignity from single-malt whiskey to Nutty Irishman Shooters.

Overall: ***** (a very pleased five stars out of five)

Looks Like the Local Color Is...Purple?

2007-04-20T13:31:00.000-04:00

Miss Vinegar has the good fortune to live within easy distance of a number of good, and good-looking but as yet untried, restaurants, hardly any of which she ever visits. A sad fact she attempted to remedy last weekend by going out with PoBoy...

Norberto's
Memorial Avenue, Roanoke

The Food-- Norberto's offers all the basics--chicken parmigiana, veal dishes, baked pasta and all the rest--that you could require in an Italian restaurant. And in fact, Miss Vinegar is a great lover of Italian food, but found the offerings at Norberto's to be hit-or-miss.
The stuffed mushrooms appetizer was perfect, PoBoy's canneloni al forno got raves, and the tiramisu, while 1) wedge-shaped, 2) partially frozen, and 3) weirdly hard on top, was nonetheless enjoyable. However...Miss Vinegar ordered the Filet Mignon with peppercorns in wine sauce, and while the steak was excellent, it suffered from both a lack of adequate peppercorns and a very, very sweet, nearly purple wine sauce, which was also used on the side of angelhair pasta.

The Service-- Excellent, with attentive servers and quick refills on drinks.

The Ambience-- Your typical small Italian restaurant decor, despite the slightly upscale menu. Miss Vinegar recognized a "Venezia" poster she used to have on her dorm wall at college.

Overall: **3/4 (two point seven five stars; an extra quarter of a star for being an Italian restaurant)

The Spice of Life May Be In Cactus Butter

2007-03-22T12:33:00.000-04:00

Miss Vinegar is back, having just recently celebrated her birthday. (The intent was to bring you a review of some actual indie/fancy cuisine in the form of a trip to downtown Roanoke's Trio wine bar; so far, the only intelligence Miss Vinegar can impart on that score is that Trio does not serve dinner on weekdays. Some birthday surprise.) The celebration extended to the Old Vinegar Homeplace, whence the battle of the Readily Available Upscale Chain Restaurants commenced. P.F. Chang's was, alas, disqualified due to accessibility issues; Macaroni Grill was sacrificed on the altar of time constraints. Which left the Vinegar family with the following:

Max & Erma's
Macarthur Center, Norfolk; also locations in Richmond and Charlotte

The Food-- Max & Erma's has what Miss Vinegar prizes above all else in a chain restaurant: variety. (And potstickers!) From a sandwich to a burger to a steak to the aforementioned dumplings, there really is something there for every taste, and it's all good. Miss Vinegar had the Laredo Steak (with "cactus butter:" Miss Vinegar is still not sure what that is, but was pleased to have correctly guessed that it was spicy), preceded by the potstickers, and recommends the living daylights out of both.

The Service-- Daddy Vinegar was temporarily ensconced in a wheelchair that weekend, and the staff was very accommodating.

The Ambience-- Typical American-food chain restaurant decor with a Mom-and-Pop slant.

Special Touches-- Excellent cookies, fresh-baked while you wait.

Overall: ***1/2 (three point five stars out of five)

Curses!

2007-02-13T12:25:00.000-05:00

Miss Vinegar must really apologize for her long absence: without any conscious effort on her part, her life had temporarily become a world of overspreading malaise, incipient rhinovirus, and (more to the point) the same restaurants over and over. As the weather becomes more seasonable and her urge to move about increases, look once more for your hardy reviewer to emerge and rave, one way or the other, about food.

The topic that has finally raised Miss Vinegar from her sickbed (and don't forget the malaise!) has been troubling her for some time, almost since the TGI Friday's chain opened a restaurant in Roanoke. The tales spread like urban legend: some said it was less-than-standard service; others told of diet drinks offered in place of regular, of special orders come to naught, or given to the wrong person. But it took Miss Vinegar's trip there last weekend, when PoBoy cut open his delicious-looking steak to find that it was 70% fat, that she finally realized: this particular TGI Friday's is cursed.

She is serious about this. Miss Vinegar has a large soft spot for the chain as one of the restaurants of her youth, and one of the few big-name chains to offer any kind of adequate take on Asian fusion cuisine. The food is terrific and the service is good...except for the fact that something always goes wrong. Not the same thing every time, which would indicate an addressable business problem, but a veritable smorgasboard of potential misfortunes. No natural explanation will suffice, so Miss Vinegar is pleased to offer the following supernatural ones:

• Franchise built on burial ground of the same evil people who afflicted the Poltergeist family;
• Despite rumors that he was but a marketing invention, ghost of T.G.I. Friday is present, restless, and angry;
• Kung Pow chicken's general spicy goodness has offended a volcano god with inadequacy issues;
• Evil fairy Maleficent not invited to store's christening.

Even so, you should take your chances, slip a good luck charm in your pocket, and head over, if only because Jack Daniel's grilling sauce is stronger than evil.

That's How My Tuna Rolls

2006-11-17T13:16:00.000-05:00

In Miss Vinegar's informal opinion, one of the signs that real variety in food* offerings is developing in a given location seems to be the proliferation of sushi. Whereas not too many years ago the mere mention of the word would wring fishing-bait jokes out of a large segment of the population, today Miss Vinegar's town of residence offers the stuff at five or so Japanese restaurants and at least as many supermarkets. Indeed, teka maki is one of the few Japanese terms Miss Vinegar knows (samurai, Takanohana, Ju-On, tempura, miso...er, Keroppi, Masi Oka...).

The question, then is where best to enjoy these seaweed-shrouded portents of good things ahead, and Miss Vinegar's lunch break pointed her in a good direction.

Ben Gui Sushi
Old Country Plaza, Starkey Road, Roanoke, VA

The Food--Ben Gui offers a range of dishes, from tempura and noodles to more kinds of maki than Miss Vinegar has seen at any other sushi place. The lunch menu is quite affordable, with a weekday special on two kinds of maki with miso soup and salad.

The Service--Excellent.

Ambience--Miss Vinegar won't lie: she's been waiting all week to go to Ben Gui for good food in peaceful, pretty, elegantly spare surroundings.

Special Touches--A very interesting-looking sushi bar.

Overall: ***1/2 (three point five stars out of five)

*Those who sneer at Miss Vinegar for meaning by this "snobby food" aren't entirely wrong.

Funni Business

2006-11-16T09:09:00.000-05:00

Miss Vinegar finally roused herself last weekend to take a solo Christmas shopping trip to Winston-Salem: no PoBoy, no WingDing, no Doctor Calamari. And while the actual shopping left something to be desired (note to Aveda: Christmas is NOT the time to make your stocking-stuffer sized lotions and potions disappear!), she did skip the food court and toddle off to a nice little place in Hanes Mall itself.

Concord Bistro & Café
Hanes Mall, Winston-Salem, NC

The Food--Miss Vinegar was drawn in by the promise of inexpensive pasta, and the fettuccine alfredo was absolutely wonderful at a good price. The bread...not so good, even when dipped into the alfredo sauce.
The sweet tea, Miss Vinegar notes with relief, was nearly perfect.

The Service--Prompt and polite, though the cafeteria-style setup of the restaurant doesn't really allow for much actual service.

The Ambience--Here the Concord Bistro shines: with its brick arches and homelike wooden tables and chairs, the place has actual rustic charm even as it offers a view of the mall outside.

Of Note--Miss Vinegar is aware that she cares more about matters of spelling than most. However, when a menu board--a menu board someone undoubtedly had to pay for-- offers "Fetecunni," it gives pause. (All right, Miss Vinegar was exercising her art of understatement. It draws the eye like a bad automobile accident. Truly: "fetecunni"? "-cunni"??)

Overall: *** (three stars out of five)

Chain of...Yum!

2006-10-13T12:05:00.000-04:00

Dragged by the roots of her exquisitely coiffed hair to Delaware for a family function uniting two dysfunctional families, Miss Vinegar had little time for exploring the restaurant terrain. She did, however, visit a rather nice chain restaurant with her best friend Cupcake* and the newly minted Mr. Cupcake, and brings you this review.

Houlihan's
somewhere near Wilmington, Delaware (there are also two in northern VA, according to their website)

The Food--The sort of New American cuisine popular at publike chain restarants, but even more New American than usual: Miss Vinegar had enchiladas with chipotle chicken and was pleasantly surprised. The potato soup is also good, with possibly the best bacon she's ever had outside Ma Vinegar's kitchen. Very well done.

The Service--Miss Vinegar was repeatedly, and unnecessarily, told to quit flirting with the server. The service was cute, but more importantly, it was fast, accurate, and accommodating to Miss Vinegar's inevitable requests for things to be left off.

The Ambience--Lots of brass and wood--think Bennigan's on a better budget.

Special Touches--In a stroke of genius, Houlihan's has drawn the conclusion that perhaps what diners want from dessert is a combination of affordability and portion control. The quite correctly-named "Mini-Yums" come in a variety of single-serving sizes, all for $1.99.

Two-dollar creme brulée isn't merely worth writing home about: it's worth public proselytizing in the manner of streetside evangelists.

Overall: **** (four stars out of five).

(*If you read this, just remember the alternative was Mr. and Ms. Dissolving Onion...there, I admit it. Happy?)

Home of the Steepburger

2006-09-21T14:43:00.000-04:00

There: in one phrase Miss Vinegar has let you in on the worst thing about this week's review, namely some of the prices. However, as Daddy Vinegar used to say right before Mother Vinegar got mad at him, money isn't everything.

Red Robin
Valley View Boulevard in Roanoke

The Food-- Allow Miss Vinegar to raise the veil on her hat to let out a wolf whistle and a "Yowza." Information received from others familliar with this chain had damned Red Robin's burgers with faint praise ("It's all right, but..."). Miss Vinegar is happy to inform you that they couldn't have been talking about either the mushroom-Swiss burger or the Chili Chili Cheeseburger, both of which were outstanding. The fries could use some work, but for thick-cut steak fries they were really quite good. The restaurant features a nice selection of burgers, traditional entrees, sandwiches, salads, and fantastic milkshakes and malts. Think Archie and Betty all grown up.

The Service-- Ran the gamut: hostessing a bit shaky, service excellent.

The Ambience--In appearance, a hipster version of Shoney's; otherwise, LOUD. When Miss Vinegar cannot tell "We Will Rock You" from "Rock Me Amadeus" from the song the pounding beat actually turned out to belong to (a little help here, PoBoy, if you remember...), you know your fellow diners are noisy.

Special Touches--Check out the tower of onion rings!

Overall: **** (four stars out of five)

Where Everybody Knows Your (Trivia-Game Screen) Name

2006-09-13T09:53:00.000-04:00

Now that Miss Vinegar is up to, oh, perhaps three or four readers on this space, questions are being asked as to why she hasn't yet written up her "local." There are reasons, but she will endeavor to make a clean breast of them and get down to the food.

Awful Arthur's
Two locations in Roanoke,one in nearby Salem, and a few scattered elsewhere in Virginia

Reservations (Not That Kind)--Miss Vinegar has heretofore given Awful Arthur's a miss because, in brief:
1. They serve food here? The fact is, Miss Vinegar doesn't generally check into Awful Arthur's just for food: the location at Towers shopping center in Roanoke is a popular venue for local music, and then there's Miss Vinegar's unholy addiction to Buzztime Trivia-–-born of a deep desire to take off her hat and gloves once in a while, straighten her dress, and beat someone to death with her brain.
Also, one meets such nice people. Even people who might read Miss Vinegar's column!
2. Your mileage may vary. The quality of food can vary widely from restaurant to restaurant in this small chain, even from meal to meal--the crab balls appetizer seems to be particularly subject to the winds of culinary change. As for service...having been ejected from the bar at the downtown Awful Arthur's before she could order food, because another patron wanted the window seat, Miss Vinegar perforce has some complaints. Not to mention a few revenge fantasies.
3. Sheer nit-pickery. Miss Vinegar is not sure in what category to put this, but does want to commend Awful Arthur's for excellent spelling on their raw-bar chalkboards. (She's sure anyone who might hear her grouse about misplaced apostrophes paving the path to hell commends them as well.)

On with the review!

The Food--Awful Arthur's has been instrumental in helping Miss Vinegar overcome her prejudice against seafood in the mountains, and several dishes are excellent: Most of the appetizer menu, the pepperjack crab soup, and the pan-seared tuna salad, with its peppercorn-crusted tuna atop spinach and feta, are particular favorites. There's also a raw bar that offers oysters, shrimp, crawfish and more. Awful Arthur's is that rare place where it is possible to get something good to eat no matter how much one has to spend.

The Service--Those to whom the idea of a seafood dinner entails masterful servers in long white aprons will be disappointed, but otherwise good.

The Ambience--Very like a casual, beachfront seafood restaurant, including the bar.

Overall: *** 1/2 (three point five stars out of five, because trivia machines don't count)

Restaurant Redux 'Round Roanoke

2006-08-24T09:09:00.000-04:00

Ma Vinegar recently paid a visit, and between this long weekend and a two-restaurant Tuesday, Miss Vinegar began to long for the chance to stay home and cook. However, she can hardly ignore her reviewing after having been out to eat five times in as many days, so here are three of them in a nutshell:

Red Palace
Valley View and Tanglewood Mall areas, Roanoke, VA

The best Chinese buffet in the area, bar none. Critics who complain that it is too expensive should fill their mouths with the excellent crab Rangoon or salt-and-pepper shrimp and practice the gentle art of shutting up.
Overall: **** (four stars out of five)

Cracker Barrel
off Rte. 11, Roanoke/Cloverdale, VA

Cracker Barrel, like the KFC buffet, provides Miss Vinegar with an invaluable service--namely, country vegetables without the three-hour cooking time in her own home. Miss Vinegar's hands-down favorite here is the chicken 'n' dumplins, along with the fried okra and some Tabasco sauce. If you can get there in time to avoid the long lines, always a staple on the road or anytime you miss your grandmother.
Overall: *** 1/2 (three point five stars out of five)

Moosie's
Bridgewater Plaza, Smith Mountain Lake, VA

Miss Vinegar has a special soft spot for Smith Mountain Lake, and one that increases the more the area tries to pretend it's a real beach town. It isn't, bless its little heart, but a stroll around the wooden walkways of Bridgewater Plaza and a soulful gaze at the sparkling lake water will almost convince.
The lake can also be seen to advantage from the heavily-windowed dining room at Moosie's, a bar-and-grill type restaurant with a good if low-key ambience, great sandwiches, and the only personal-size nachos Miss Vinegar has found in the area.
Overall: *** (three stars out of five)

Climb Every Mountain...And Then Jump.

2006-08-04T08:27:00.000-04:00

Miss Vinegar returns with tales of low adventure with PoBoy and her cousin, Miss Malaprop:

Montano's
Franklin Rd., Roanoke

The Food--Montano's has one of the most varied menus in Roanoke (and if you don't believe it, little country-of-origin flags are on the menu to assist). Miss Vinegar has never had bad food there, and some dishes, like the feta-potato soup and the now-defunct raspberry tiramisu, are nothing short of magnificent. Miss Vinegar recommends the Montano's Rare Roast Beef Sandwich with parmesan-peppercorn dressing.

Which brings us to...

The Service--Where to begin?

Montano's has a habit of seating people in ways that defy the laws of physics, or, if one actually manages to squeeze in at the table next to a gentleman who would have been the first Virginian sumo wrestler had not accountancy promised a steadier paycheck, at least the laws that say a little breathing room aids the digestion. The result in this latest case was that Miss Vinegar's table was moved back and forth in a sort of parody of a seance, but without the charm this implies. Glad that after all this folderol they were simply ordering soup and sandwiches, Miss Vinegar and company could finally sit down.

Malaprop and Miss Vinegar ordered the roast beef sandwich, with a total of three small special requests, which were wrong in every particular when the food came to the table. At least three staff members were needed to sort it out at last. This was by far the most troubled service Miss Vinegar has ever received at Montano's, and she hates to think it may be a sign of Where Things Are Going with the establishment.

The Ambience--Quite a nice little place if you get a booth.

Special Touches--In-house deli.

Overall: ** (two stars out of five, but with definite potential for redemption)

Rarebit Season!

2006-07-17T10:32:00.000-04:00

Miss Vinegar continues an upwardly-mobile dining streak this week with a visit to what seems to be fast becoming a local institution. (Rest assured, however, that Miss Vinegar is not getting ideas above her station in life, and when possible is still visiting KFC and similar eateries. Also, don't think she didn't hear you making that 'institution' joke.)

Crystal Spring Avenue, Roanoke, VA

The Food--Fork in the Alley bills itself as a "brick-oven pub," with lots of upscale pizza offerings and focaccia sandwiches. Particularly satisfying, however, was the chance to finally partake of Welsh rarebit. The southwesterhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifn-themed chicken sandwich with seasoned fries was also quite good. All that left no room for dessert, but as dessert is a brick-oven S'more, Miss Vinegar fails to see how it could go wrong.

The Service--Quite good, unless the sight of personnel in "May the Fork Be With You" T-shirts is simply too much to bear.

The Ambience--An outdoor patio forms the bulk of the dining space, with a small brick-and-dark-wood bar and dining area within. Pretty and distinguished, though one wonders where the live music acts find room to perform.

Special Touches--The aforementioned T-shirts, wooden menus with burlap covers.

Overall: ***1/2 (three point five stars out of five)

Defending My Territory: or, Who Put The "NOOOO!!!" In Williams-Sonoma

2006-07-05T14:57:00.000-04:00

Miss Vinegar must now take on a topic of great importance to her, a topic in which she has been schooled for years, one of the foundations upon which the Clan Vinegar itself is constructed:*

Barbecue.

Don't laugh. Miss Vinegar was raised a mere hop, skip and swampy jump from the North Carolina border, and family trips of two or three hours--each way-- to get the best Eastern NC barbecue were commonplace. She has never voluntarily tasted the tomato-based Virginia product in her life, though there were a few nasty accidents. Memphis-style is okay, the fare of Red Hot & Blue not unacceptable, but of good barbecue places there be a mere handful.

Miss Vinegar, in other words, not only knows what she likes, she knows where the things she don't like come from. Which is why seeing Williams-Sonoma offering a mustard barbecue sauce as "Western-Carolina style". This is true, if confusing, and would be passing without comment if Miss Vinegar hadn't received an ad touting this as "A Taste of...North Carolina."

No, no, no.

Eastern North Carolina barbecue is based on vinegar (ahem) and spices. Western North Carolina barbecue, according to both Miss Vinegar's own experience and a documentary she's seen on the subject, adds tomato to the vinegar mix. It is South Carolina which relies on mustard as a base for its barbecue sauce. This is a fine but vital distinction, and, to the barbecue enthusiast, much as if one were to ask a football fan how the New Orleans Redskins were doing this year.

That said, the sauce itself doesn't sound bad. But that is hardly the point now, is it?

*Translation: the one thing they all agree on.

Surely That's French For "Heaven"...

2006-07-05T10:09:00.000-04:00

Note: The Winston-Salem Copeland's has since fallen to the Grim Eater's scythe. Sigh.

When planning her very first day trip to Winston-Salem four years ago (with an un-acted-upon view to living there), Miss Vinegar wrote down directions to the main shopping areas of the city, including the addresses of three or four restaurants. Only this past weekend did she finally arrive at one of them by pure accident. But good heavens, was it worth the wait!

A word of warning, however: Miss Vinegar carries with her a terrible curse where Winston-Salem in concerned. Fans of Terry Pratchett's novels may recall a character known as the Death of Rats: within the bounds of Forsyth County, Miss Vinegar undergoes a horrible transmogrification into the Death of Restaurants--the Grim Eater, if you will. She has only to plan a meal somewhere and the place goes out of business in a flash, resulting so far in the death of Gregory's Wine Bar of Reynolda Village as well as Winston-Salem's franchises of Baja Fresh, Don Pablo's, Bear Rock, and Mr. Dunderbak's. This particular restaurant claims to have been around 11 years, however, so there's hope that it won't succumb to her evil influence.

Copeland's of New Orleans
off Hanes Mall Blvd., Winston-Salem, NC

The Food-- Miss Vinegar finds that words fail her, though ones like "ambrosial" and "orgasmic" come close. Miss Vinegar is deeply attached to crawfish etouffée, you see, and when a restaurant provides a perfect one, she's reduced to incoherent but very happy mumbling: spicy brown sauce, tender meat, perfectly cooked rice...
The rest of the menu is also calculated to elicit groans from food lovers everywhere: comprehensive seafood and pasta selections on both lunch and dinner menus, steak offerings, and a selection of sandwiches including several types of poboys.

The sweet tea's good, too.

The Service--Excellent. Period.

The Ambience--Easily the most upscale place Miss Vinegar has reviewed thus far (her fellow po'boys and 'girls should aim for the excellent lunch menu), Copeland's is a paradise of polished dark wood and brass railings.

Special Touches--Nothing to say here except go. Go! GO!!

Overall: ***** (five stars out of five, and Miss Vinegar would consider going to six)

The Opposite of Cadetberry, Right?

2006-06-27T12:46:00.000-04:00

Please pardon Miss Vinegar's long absence. Truth to tell, after an unfortunate incident caused her to write off the Baja Fresh chain forever (and, with any luck, scar a flippant young service worker for life, which was nice but no verde enchilada), Miss Vinegar retired to her decaying Southern Gothic lair, shrouded her restaurant fridge magnets with little black curtains, and mourned, sustained only by Cheez Whiz toast and strong sweet tea.

Eventually, however, Miss Vinegar was persuaded to put aside the black veil and gloves and return to the business at hand: telling random people where to eat.

Elderberry's
Route 419 near Brambleton, Roanoke, VA

The Food--Elderberry's specializes in smoothies, and the Key Lime Pie in particular, with its graham-cracker crumbles and whipped cream, is an ideal summer treat. They also serve excellent soups and wraps, but be forewarned: the wraps aren't the overstuffed creations you might be accustomed to. Strictly human-being-sized food, reasonably priced.

The Service--Fast, efficient counter service.

The Ambience--Quite like an ice-cream parlor: the restaurant doesn't have a lot of space, but does use it well.

Special Touches--For a local chain, Elderberry's is heavy into merchandising, including T-shirts, infant onesies, and flavored lip balm.

Overall: Three point five stars out of five--the point five specifically for the outstanding mushroom and brie soup.

Dill-etante

2006-04-13T10:37:00.000-04:00

They're pernicious. No one seems to know how it got started, but now they're everywhere.

They're not Starbuck's--they're pickles.

They appear by default on most burgers, and even on Chik-Fil-A's sandwiches. They nestle next to your double-decker club. And they put forth a smell that could fell a moose at ten feet. And yet, one has to issue the clearest and strictest of instructions to keep the little green buggers at bay.

Miss Vinegar hates pickles with a passion she usually reserves for snobs, bad spellers, and the movie An Awfully Big Adventure*. The basic reason, of course, is that she finds the taste abhorrent. But there's also the fact that pickles, as a restaurant staple, make no sense.

Economically, they're a non-starter. People don't seem to ask for pickles, so why have them? For garnish? What other garnish smells so strong? No one cuts a decorative garlic clove or edges a plate with ornamental arrangements of anchovies, for pity's sake. Nor is any other garnish likely to leak its stinky essence all over your fries or the bread of your sandwich.

Hear this, chefs of the world: there is no such thing as a "stealthy" removal of a pickle from a plate where one has accidentally been placed. We are, collectively, on to you.

Which is why at every opportunity Miss Vinegar sings the praises of restaurants who forgo the viridian menace, and particularly of the Bear Rock Café chain, where pickles are available only by request.

Take that, dillweeds.

* A comedy about suicide, thwarted love, war and incest. Wonder why it wasn't funny?

Look Out For The Gator (Tail)/ Godot, Party of One

2006-04-10T09:15:00.000-04:00

With apologies to her vocal (very, very: yes, you were definitely heard, a lot) readers, Miss Vinegar has rallied herself from her fainting couch to review once more. A twofer, in fact, from her recent outing with friends PoBoy and Wingding.

Boudreaux's
Main Street, Blacksburg, VA

The Food--Miss Vinegar dotes on this, the best Cajun restaurant in her area, so she has but few complaints: the lack of sweet tea available in a restaurant of aggressively Southern cuisine, and the fact that etouffée is no longer on the lunch menu. Miss Vinegar highly recommends the gator bites appetizer ("with Cajun Mayeaux" as some wit described it on the menu) and the seafood gumbo: PoBoy recommends well, guess what.

The Service--Better when the bar isn't crowded.

The Ambience--College hangout wood decor with a New Orleans theme and posters from Norfolk's Bayou Boogaloo Festival. There's also a nice outdoor deck upstairs for warm-weather dining.

Special Touches--Boudreaux's is the only local restaurant/bar Miss Vinegar knows that stocks the new, less toxic form of absinthe--a drink served with elaborate ritual and the immolation of a sugar cube. So if you're looking for a fascinating spectacle as you imbibe, or just want to free your inner Van Gogh, this is the place to do it.

Overall: **** (four stars out of five--some tea would make it perfect!)

The Homeplace
Route 311, Catawba, VA

Special Note--My one and only complaint about The Homeplace, which is an area tradition, is the wait. Miss Vinegar's party arrived just after four-thirty and was subjected to approximately an EIGHTY-MINUTE wait. While she realizes that the restaurant is in a remote locale, Miss Vinegar could not help calculating that a family could easily drive down the mountain to nearby Salem and get something at a wide selection of restaurants by the time she got seated.

The Food--Miss Vinegar is usually no fan of family-style dining, but the Homeplace's country-cooking menu is superb: roast beef, fried chicken, ham, and country (i.e. cooked with pork) vegetables. Here again, however, no sweet tea. Granny Vinegar would be scandalized, even with perfectly sweetened lemonade available to make up for it.

The Service--Once you actually get service, excellent (see Special Note).

The Ambience--After the fried chicken, probably the biggest selling point of the restaurant. The Homeplace operates out of a large, traditional white southern house overlooking a valley, trees, a pond and rolling pastures. People get married on the grounds, including the couple with whom Miss Vinegar, PoBoy, and Wingding were dining. In warm weather, the wraparound porch holds waiting patrons who were all, on this occasion, crammed into the anteroom.

Overall: ***1/2 (three point five stars out of five, because Salem really does have many fine restaurants, and an antique phone isn't nearly as picturesque when you're squashed up against it)

Local Talent

2006-03-20T11:20:00.002-05:00

For those of you familiar with Roanoke, Tanglewood Mall has for many years been more or less synonymous with "decline:" it's small, many of the spaces are unleased, and its location gives it little room for expansion on the kind of megastore scale popular today. However, the place is experiencing a bit of a renaissance: TJ Maxx is upgrading to a snazzy new spot, they've opened an A.C. Moore crafts store, and the mall seems to be generally prospering. The in-mall Applebee's is popular. The food court, alas, is practically non-existent. One of its offerings is a Chik-Fil-A, and the less said about people who put pickles on chicken sandwiches, the better. The other...

Hot Rock Cafe
inside Tanglewood Mall, Roanoke, VA

The Food--I was first introduced to the place via a sample of its Voodoo Stew, and the soups, particularly the seafood chowder and tomato-basil, are outstanding. The pizza is generally likewise, and their shrimp alfredo pizza is nothing short of affordable magnificence.

The Service--Hit-or-miss, but once you get the staff's attention they're very nice about helping you select your food.

The Ambience--It's the food court of an elderly shopping mall: that said, a few years ago Tanglewood put garden-themed murals on the food court walls in an attempt to brighten the space--an effort which has been underappreciated. More comfortable chairs would be a definite help, though.

Special Touches--The Hot Rock has recently merged with the mall's coffee shop, so you can now get great desserts there too; and the soup samples really are a great touch. The restaurant also gets points for being a local phenomenon.

Overall: ***1/2 (three point five stars out of five; would be four but for the waffle-patterned wire chairs)

Viva Los Scrabble Points

2006-03-20T10:44:00.000-05:00

The search for a restaurant, chain or otherwise, to replace Baja Fresh continues:

Qdoba Mexican Grill
Miller Street, Winston-Salem, NC

The Reason She Was There--For once, Miss Vinegar was going to be a good little food critic and review a local attraction, Winston-Salem's Midtown Café and Dessertery. (You'll find that anything mentioning dessert on the sign is likely to attract Vinegary attention.) However, after a two-hour drive, she was in no mood to wait for a table at eleven-thirty in the morning. The Qdoba is located next to the local Whole Foods Market, the next stop on Miss Vinegar's itinerary.

The Food--Is there anyone, other than college-age males, for whom the main attraction of a burrito is its sheer mass? (Bit of a Freudian dynamic at work there, possibly...). Qdoba is yet another member of the bigger-than-your-head school of burrito fabrication: Miss Vinegar's steak burrito came with beans, rice, pico de gallo, alleged hot sauce which failed the nose-run test, and the chain's three-cheese queso. It was good and definitely filling, but...alas...no Baja Fresh. Next time, Miss Vinegar will upgrade to the hotter hot sauce and see how she fares. The sweet tea is stellar, though, and the beverage station provided the much-missed lime slices for it.

The Service--Though it took five minutes to get the order placed, once it was, the staff ran through the options with speed and accuracy. The cashier commiserated about the attrition of Baja Fresh, suggested Qdoba as a rebound eatery, and directed Miss Vinegar to the high-tech loyalty cards: cardholders can not only earn points, but track when and where they've eaten at Qdoba. Not yet decided whether this is interesting or scary, but Miss Vinegar's inner control freak could learn to like it.

The Ambience--The usual mid-price fast-food decor, except that the tables had gorgeous brushed-metal tops.

Special Touches--The lime slices, lots of Tabasco bottles.

Overall: *** (three stars out of five)

Boioioioinnnng!

2006-03-07T10:22:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was Miss Vinegar's Birthday--a dark, drizzly pit of despair and home-fried contact lenses that shall hopefully not be repeated. However, things picked up in the evening as the rain slacked off and she was able to rest herhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif eyes before her friend the PoBoy talked her into a birthday repast involving the word "Lobsterfest."

Franklin Road, Roanoke, VA

The Food--Don't get Miss Vinegar wrong: she is not, a fondness for exotic cheese and teka maki notwithstanding, one of these food snobs who's going to pour vitriol on the chain restaurant experience like the writer Joe Queenan did a few years ago. When you live off the beaten path, and even when you don't but have your favorites, chains help make sure a certain level of variety is available to everyone. Twenty years ago it was McDonald's and Stuckey's; now the proliferation of places like Panera ensures that everybody gets a decent shot at panini and lattés as well. To Miss Vinegar, this is an undoubted good thing.

However, it must be said that Red Lobster has one large deficiency: their lobster is bad. PoBoy and Miss Vinegar both had the same platter with a mix of lobster tail, grilled garlic shrimp, and shrimp scampi; only the lobster tail resisted efforts to penetrate its rubbery mass with a knife and fork. This is a problem, one supposes, only in the sense that the restaurant is not called "Buttery Shrimp." The marketing boffins at Red Lobster's HQ might want to look into that.

The scampi, the grilled shrimp, and the seafood fondue appetizer were all delicious.

The Service--It may be the effect of some of their quantity-based promotions like endless-shrimp, but the servers at Red Lobster usually do seem to have a high, mildly cheerleaderish level of enthusiasm. Very good.

The Ambience--Here Miss Vinegar's cynical head (which realizes that nautical-themed stuff is ludicrous in a mass-produced eatery in the middle of the mountains) and her heart (which laments her removal from an easy driving distance of Virginia Beach the way other, more musically inclined people lamented having to leave Old Ireland) will be forever in conflict. But the decor of Red Lobster remains a guilty pleasure she won't be giving up any time soon.

Special Touches--Anyone who doesn't like Cheddar Bay biscuits should seek psychiatric assistance.

Overall: *** (three stars out of five)

Brought To You By The Letter B

2006-03-03T10:15:00.000-05:00

It's been a weird, busy, not altogether nice week, but Miss Vinegar did visit three establishments for capsule reviewing.

Bruegger's Bagels
Battleground Ave., Greensboro, NC

The Food--At brunch-time on a day trip, a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich on a salt bagel was washed down with (mediocre) sweet tea. The sandwich was excellent, with nice firm egg and what appeared to be pepper bacon, but the bagel is the strong point here, as it should be.

The Service--It's fast food, of course, but they were very nice about giving time to scope the menu before ordering (translation: they have more patience than Miss Vinegar does).

Ambience--Upscale fast-food place, with lots of pretty wood. Considering the view is of one of the busiest streets in Greensboro, surprisingly restful.

Overall: *** (three stars out of five)

Baja Burrito
Raleigh, NC

After lamenting the demise of Baja Fresh in her general traveling area, a friend--call him Our Man In Raleigh--took Miss Vinegar here with the intention of proving there were superior offerings to be had. Well...maybe.

The Food--A steak taco deluxe: flour tortilla with marinated steak, lettuce, tomato, sour cream and guacamole. It was excellent, but made a big mess: Baja Burrito is an adherent of that school that embraces burritos bigger than your head. The salsa roja was NOT as good as Baja Fresh, and Miss Vinegar's nose didn't run at all. As for the tea, notices on the wall gave one to understand that their tropical blend had been replaced by black tea. A pity they didn't sweeten accordingly.

Special Touches--The takeout menu has "beer" and "good beer" on the price list.

Ambience--Distinctly collegiate.

Overall: ***1/2 (three point five stars out of five)

Roanoke Bagel Co.
Electric Road, Roanoke, VA

Honestly, Miss Vinegar has been known to go a year without a bagel, so this week has definitely been strange.

The Food--The 12 O'Clock Knob sandwich, named after a local geological formation and hiking attraction, features sliced turkey and Boar's Head ham, cheese, and an excellent honey mustard. Usually one gets to choose the bagel, but for some reason Miss Vinegar was presented with sesame. Oh, well.

The Service--Other than the sesame bagel thing, excellent. One of Miss Vinegar's particular hatreds is dill pickles, and Roanoke Bagel obligingly double-checked the carryout to make sure she was spear-free.

Ambience--Informal, with the hallmark of a Roanoke local business: custom-designed wrought-iron chairs from Twist & Turns.

Overall: **1/2 (two point five stars out of five; would have been more but for the seeds)

Two bagels and a Baja Burrito: next week Miss Vinegar and Big Bird dine out?

Dia De Las Enchiladas Muertas

2006-02-24T10:22:00.000-05:00

Last weekend brought snow flurries and the sudden, unpleasant news that Greensboro's Baja Fresh restaurant had closed in the few months since Miss Vinegar's last day trip there (the closest now appears to be in the Short Pump suburb of Richmond). As a tribute, and to remind you to eat good food next time you're in the li'l ol' capital of the Confederacy, our first review.

Baja Fresh
formerly on Rte. 220 in Greensboro, NC

The Food--Fantastic. The entire point of Baja Fresh is that it is a fast-food restaurant that wants to be slow food. You can see heaps of tomatos behind the counter, everything's made fresh, and there are no microwaves. Miss Vinegar's favorite is the cheese enchiladas verdes with black beans and pico--the only pico de gallo she eats anywhere--on the side. They also offer shrimp and steak tacos, as well as the usual Mexican restaurant fare.

Special Touches--The beverage station features lime as well as lemon slices: the salsa bar is a dream come true, particularly the chipotle-infused Salsa Roja.

Ambience--Fairly typical high-class fast food, with hipsterish iron chairs and some high-top tables.

Problems--Only that they keep closing them down: Miss Vinegar will be stopping by on her next trip east, however.

Overall: * * * * (four stars out of five)

I'll Be Your Snarker This Evening

2006-02-24T08:53:00.000-05:00

Envy, people. Puuuuuure envy.

Miss Vinegar tried to resist, she really did. She already had her blogistic responsibilities, as it were. But occasional exposure to a local music criticism site turned her finicky head at last. After all, the shows were at restaurants--what about the food??

Clearly, there was a niche to be filled. And so we present:

The Ground Rules

1. Restaurants will be reviewed as Miss Vinegar encounters them. This means that, while most of my victims will be in Southwest Virginia and the surrounding areas, some will not be. Tuck this away as vacation information.

2. Hypotheticals. Miss Vinegar reserves the right to temporarily abandon specific reviews for a) bitching about inadequacies in local offerings, b) bitching about food in general, or c) bitching at utter random. That's why she's not Miss Simple Syrup, folks.

3. Cuisine with a K? Restaurants will range from the sublime to the fast-food chain.

4. Criteria. The usual: food quality, service, value, ambience, quality of Muzak, presence or absence of people negotiating their divorces on cell phones right behind your left shoulder, host picking his nose or not, Denny's on Military Highway in Norfolk, VA, I have never forgotten! Ahem. Pardon Miss Vinegar while she straightens her hat. Anyway, yes, the basics.

So chew on that until next time.